Writer Beef
Remember that time last month when we all witnessed two mega-artists try to destroy each other? How fun was that?!
To protect my future earnings and credibility, I will not use this antiblog post to talk about how one artist destroyed the other. I will not use this antiblog to breakdown the lyrical gymnastics one performed around the other. I will not use this antiblog to highlight the cultural impact and dominance of one artist over the other. I will not “Pop Out.” I will not do that. Instead, as any good writer does, I will make this about me.
Does anyone want to get into a #WriterBeef?
If there is one thing I’ve learned from this recent rap beef, and most rap battles before them, people love to see carnage. Or, attempted carnage at least. I guess this infatuation really goes back to the Roman Gladiator days, but I’m an almost 30-year-old male with crumbling knees, so we’ll stay away from that type of physicality. We no longer need swords and knives to cut deep; we have words for that now.
So, I ask again, does anyone want to get into a #WriterBeef?
Just for fun (promotion), you know? We don’t have to attack each other’s character and family matters…unless you want to punk! Jk. I’m not built for that. If someone said something about me and my lack of _______________________ when it came to ________________________________ I would be a legit Sad Boy. Not a Sad Boy just for digital hugs. I’m thinking more of a writer beef where we make light of each other’s poor writing habits, lack of commercial success, wavering confidence, and the like. Or maybe that’s just me? Ha.
If no one wants to have a messy and unnecessary writer beef that eventually leads to breakout success and a performative public hand-holding forgiveness ceremony that also counts as a book tour launch, then I’ll settle for these imaginary writer beefs:
James Patterson vs. Stephen King - Two titans of the industry. “Let them fight.”
Ta-Nehisi Coates vs. Ibram X. Kendi - _______ on _______ violence. Do not fill in the blanks.
Suzanne Collins vs. J.K. Rowling - How many kids are going to die today?
Mark Twain vs Charles Dickens - Two grandaddies of literature.
F. Scott Fitzgerald vs. Ernest Hemingway - Those are high quality writer names. I can’t say anything else about it.
James Baldwin vs. Ralph Ellison - Oklahoma versus everybody!!!
Toni Morrison vs. Maya Angelou - Mainly to get a few more pieces of work from these two giants. Miss them.
I mean, how fun would it be to read Charles Dickens going after Mark Twain and his “trash pen game hiding behind his little pen name.” It practically writes itself. And don’t get me started on the ghostwriting accusations. A serious offense in the industry.
At a macro level, a few major writer beefs could be used as a rising tide for the entire industry. We need some juice. Some buzz. Drama amongst peers. Oh, a Reality TV show where it’s a house full of writers who quietly despise each other and brashly despise themselves. That could last 2.5 seasons on Freevee for sure.
In the end, it may be advantageous for me to learn how to inspire myself and not rely on ego fuel to put my fingers on the keys. Or maybe I’ll start a smear campaign against (insert your favorite writer here) and see what happens!
